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Lost: One Pair of Rose-Colored Maternity Glasses

Thursday, October 21, 2004
I was just reading the discussion about the emotions surrounding pregnancy after infertility over at a little pregnant.

Having walked this path myself, I can tell you that there's definitely a loss of innocence once you've had trouble conceiving or experienced miscarriage or stillbirth. You know longer take for granted that

earnest babymaking efforts = positive pregnancy test = perfect pregnancy = healthy baby

As much as you'd like to be able to slip on a pair of rose-colored maternity glasses, your innocence was lost along with the baby who was miscarried or stillborn, or during those heartbreaking months or years of infertility.

And if and when you do finally get a positive pregnancy test result, it's hardly surprising that your joy at being pregnant may be guarded at best, and that any pregnancy complication or setback can seem like evidence that Mother Nature likes nothing more than to take cruel and sadistic pleasure in your misery -- to dangle the possibility of a successful pregnancy in front of you and then threaten to steal it away from you again.

The 41 1/2 weeks that I was pregnant with my youngest child were the longest 41 1/2 weeks of my life. Sometimes I felt like I was in purgatory. And if I thought that the anxiety would end after he was born, I was sadly mistaken. I continued to be The Mother of All Headcases throughout much of his infancy, worrying about SIDS, choking, and other horrible possibilities. It's only been in recent years that I've been able to work through my grief about my stillbirth and to become a more relaxed and less anxious parent (although I don't think I'm going to be winning the "Most Relaxed Parent of The Year Award" anytime soon!)

| posted by Ann D @ 4:29 PM